Question: I am going through a divorce and facing life as a single mother of two young children. Valentine’s Day is approaching and I am not feeling the love.  When I see all the ads and hear all the romantic songs, I feel depressed. How do I deal with that?

Dear Lonely and Loveless,

Valentine’s Day brings up many feelings when you are not in a romantic relationship (and even if you are in one). Now is the time to focus on loving yourself and your children. 

Below are some tips for singles to get through and even enjoy Valentine’s Day:

1. Buy yourself the perfect card or gift-the one you wish your ideal partner would give to you. Express the loving words you need to hear. Don’t wait around for Mr. or Ms. Right to give you what you want. To get a card in Fair Lawn, try Daphne's Hallmark Shop, Walgreens or CVS.
2. Order flowers and have them delivered to your place of business with a note from “your secret admirer." In Fair Lawn, try the The Flower Cart or Cliff Garden Florist.
3. Treat yourself to a massage or a spa day. Try Massage Spa in Fair Lawn, or check out some top spas in other Bergen County towns.
4. Invite your single friends to a “Love Yourself Day” party. Celebrate the fabulous individuals you are and pay tribute to the friends you care about.
5. If it’s too difficult on Valentine’s Day, pick another day and go on a date with yourself. Don’t let being single stop you from enjoying an event or activity. It may feel awkward at first, but you will soon discover that you are very good company.
6. Take this day for self-reflection. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, practice gratitude for what you do have and what is working in your life.   Remember past struggles and how you overcame them. Focus on your strengths and attributes.
7. Imagine your ideal future and partner. Write about it in detail. Cut out pictures and words that reflect what you wish to attract and create a “vision board”.
8. For single parents, focus on your children. Bake special treats together. Cut out paper hearts and write all the things you love about each other on them.  Then decorate your home with them or create a collage. Save and read them when you need to cheer yourself up.

There is no one right answer or piece of advice that will work for everyone. Choose one or more of the above tips or think of your own and Love Yourself on Valentine’s Day.

Diane Young of Fair Lawn is a certified empowerment coach whose practice, The LYF Experience focuses on relationship and career transition coaching. LYF stands for Love Yourself First and her clients achieve success through personal development. Diane is also the founder of The Unemployed Optimists, a networking and support group for people in transition. Contact her at 201-791-5241 or diane@thelyfexperience.com.