I just finished reading HEAVEN IS FOR REAL, by Todd Burpo with Lynn Vincent. What a book! Truly inspiring, this is the story of a young boy’s time in heaven, hobnobbing with god the father, god the son, god the holy spirit....the whole schmeer.
The book read, the light turned off, I fell into a deep sleep and found myself in what may or may not have been a dream.
I’m in Alaska, in the middle of January. All around me ice and snow. I’m an inmate in Camp Freedom. The sign over the entry gate reads: Work Sets You Free. The camp commandant, former Governor Sarah Palin, greets me at the gate with a wink and a smile. She explains to me that President Romney had ordered the internment, for our own safety, of everyone suspected of having leftist/socialist/communist/progressive/middle-of-the-road leanings, all environmentalists, tree-huggers, book readers and eyeglass wearers and of course homosexuals. She’s really quite nice about it.
So many changes have happened already in the first weeks of the Romney Administration.
Of course, the elimination of the Department of Education, and the Environmental Protection Agency was a given. And that third one. Now what was that third one? I remember that Gov. Rick Perry was put in charge of ending that federal bureaucracy, whatever it was.
Newt Gingrich had the portfolio of advising the President on schools and science. School children in poor neighborhoods, lacking good role models of hard-working parents, were being put to work cleaning toilets in their schools. They were learning that education, like freedom, is not free. Head custodians were there to show them the ropes, and the other custodians were laid off, thus making a smaller, leaner government. In the scientific sphere, Gingrich was commissioned to oversee the colonizing and eventual 51-statification of the Moon, by the end of President Romney’s second, or perhaps third or fourth term.
Early in the Romney Administration, the military had been ordered to do a 180-degree turn. The US military would return to being, and henceforth would remain, entirely heterosexual. Also, women (feminazis, Rush Limbaugh called them) would be expelled, since women’s place was in the home, by divine decree.
The Defence of Marriage/One-Man-One-Woman-Marriage Amendment to the Constitution became law, notwithstanding President Romney’s grandfather, who had eight wives, and his extended polygamous family in the West. Newt Gingrich, with his third wife, and Rush Limbaugh with his fourth, looked on beaming at the ceremonial Presidential signing.
With the end of unemployment insurance, Medicare and Food Stamps, the privatization of Social Security and the repeal of Obamacare, the Republican agenda reigned supreme.
Employment in the private sector already was experiencing a modest bump. Some of President Romney’s former colleagues from Bain Capital had formed a spin-off endeavor, the Made-in-America Electrified Fence Company, to put a final stop to the millions of illegal, grimy, and mostly dark-skinned people flocking to our shores. The fence would eventually encircle the entire lower forty-eight states, with separate fences for Alaska, Hawaii, and the Moon.
I woke up from the happiest, most wonderful dream I ever had. I knew with a certainty: Washington is For Real!